June 26, 2005

Stranger's Smile Di ba may bagong commercial ngayon ang Close-up? 'Yung may babaeng nag-standout dahil sa smile n'ya. Haha, oo, nag-standout s'ya dahil sa smile n'ya PLUS maporma s'ya, PLUS maganda s'ya, PLUS sexy s'ya. Ang galing galing ng power ng smile ano? Ewan ko, basta ayokong nginingitian 'yung tao lalo na't di ko naman kilala. Parang hello? Close tayo? Crush ba kita? Or meron nga kayang gano'ng tao? I've never met a stranger na nginitian ako, puwera na lang sa department store. Quiet! This is really unfair. Ba't ba gano'n? Lagi na lang naaapi ang mga tahimik tulad ko. Do introverts have to receive such a crippled image... always? Tulad kahapon, meron kaming euthenics (wordplay yata ng ethics?), tapos eh negative trait daw ang pagiging silent-type? Bullcrap. Naturingan pa namang mga Guidance Counselors. Pati mga teachers sabi kelangan daw makapal ang mukha mo, extroverted ka at hindi ka dapat shy to be successful. Yes, yes, I know, I've heard THAT a zillion times already, eversince nursery. Namanhid na'ko. Lately ko lang kasi na-realize na hindi masama maging introverted, contrary to popular belief. Close-minded lang ang mga taong magsasabing wala kaming mararating (reminds me of people's preconception of atheists and agnostics). Sila Newton, Nietzsche, Socrates, St. Francis of Assisi, Einstein, Steven Spielberg, Marie Curie, Descartes, Mo. Theresa, Pascal at Confucius, to name a few, are introverts. Hindi sila great 'no? They're one of the greatest. Feeling kasi ng teachers namin, lahat kami eh may balak na lumabas sa TV or any career na kelangan mong magpaka-bibo. That kind of thinking is narrow. Ano ba ang mga jobs na pinamumugaran ng mga introvert na tulad ko? From what I've read, they are: Technical Writers, Engineers, Scientists, Mathematicians, Strategic Planners, Computer Programmers, Logicians, Artists, Forensic Researchers and Philosophers (again to name a few and yes these are my calling). How menial and lowly. Pa'no ang ini-instill lang ng ibang teachers sa'min eh pa'no magkaron ng disenteng trabaho. Sorry, I may not have a decent job but one day, I assure you, I will give you a decent job. Muwahahaha! Mas mahirap magpaka-extrovert kung hindi mo naman gusto. Magmumukha ka lang tanga. Wag na wag mong imi-mimick ang mga taong makulet, as they say, para lang maging accepted sa mata ng karamihan (majority is just an illusion). That's a very grave lie. Pinalitan mo ang isang trait na lovable din at puwedeng magdala sa'yo sa tuktok isang araw, sayang (umm, did I mention I have a mirror in front of me?) And BTW, introverts only constitute 30% of the general population. Gusto kong mag-celebrate. But no parties please. (So, umm, pa'no ko kaya 'yon gagawin?) []

June 18, 2005

Assorted First and foremost, welcome back sa akin. As if naman antagal kong nawala. May pasok na kasi, so medyo nag-aadjust pa ko sa nakapakaganda kong schedule. In case you're wondering, that's 9.00 am - 6.00 pm, 4 days a week. Great. Gusto mo bang marinig ang "Hello Garci" ringtone ('yung kay GMA)? Punta ka dito. Gusto ko sanang gawing ringtone 'to kaso wala kaming IR para sa PC. Ehehe, be careful though, bawal daw 'to. Ngayon ko lang na-realize na I could be totally indifferent if I want to. Yes, yes, that's my goal mawalan ako ng pake (uhmm). Basta, I need it, nakakainis na kasi minsang mangialam, nakakasawa at andaming nag-fi-feeling, if you know what I mean. Anyway, pa'no mo pala i-dedescribe ang colors or light sa isang bulag? You cannot do so by touch, smell, words or taste. Ano 'yon, "O, tikman mo 'tong strawberry, lasang red." Sasabihin siguro n'ya, "What the f*ck are you talking about? I'm British." Hmhm, nasagot ko ang professor ko sa Argumentation & Debate when he asked kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng Argumentum Ad Hominem at premise. Two points! Hehe, may gamit din pala ang madalas kong pakikipag-debate. In addition to that, sabi n'ya to be truly successful daw, kelangan magaling kang mag-English at wide ang vocabulary mo. Totoo, andami ko ding nabasa na ganito ang sinasabi. Hahaha! Geeks shall inherit the earth! Bumili pala ako ng Breaking The Da Vinci Code which costs 600+. Ngayon tuloy ako ang broke. Nanghihinayang ako, sana 'yung Life of Pi na lang. Kasi alam ko naman talagang hindi totoo ang mga sinasabi sa novel ni Dan Brown e. Drat, sabi na nga ba dapat di ako tumitingin sa cover! Tapos pala, kung naka-Smart ka, puwede kang mag-unlimited daw for 4 days. That'll cost you P60. Text mo daw ang TXT sa 258. Globe kasi ako e, so I have no use for it. Ayan lang muna. Pasensya na at hindi ako nakakapag-update lately. Babawi ako next week! Wag Magbabago Pag may natatanggap akong mga sulat, or testi sa Friendster, ba't lagi nilang sinasabing, "Wag kang magbabago"? I beg to differ (as if naman nakakapanibago pa 'to). Kasi para sa'kin pag sinabi mong wag kang magbago, lahat eh ini-s-scope no'n, along with the bad traits. Ang mas proper siguro eh, "Change if you must, but only for the better." At least hindi na-ha-halt ang improvements. Tsaka change, as they say, is the only thing that's permanent. []

June 11, 2005

Of Questions And Answers Lahat ng tao nagtatanong, that's human nature -- to be curious. Thing is, I've known from the start that my band of questions have been a little different. At the age of five (5), naging curious ako sa existence ng aliens. Meron nga kayang mga big-eyed intergalactic creatures na though mas advanced, eh nakahubad when portrayed? Sa lagay na 'yon, hindi pa rin ba sila nakakaimbento ng kahit bahag man lang?! When I was seven (7), this was my question: How long is eternity? Is it not tiring? (haha, feeling child prodigy) From then on, my mind has been polluted with questions (talk about oxygen deficiency). 'Yung iba nasagot na, 'yung iba hindi pa, 'yung iba oops erase, 'yung karamihan tingin ko hindi na masasagot pa in my lifetime. And yes, of course, it was my fate. The time came for the BIG question to transpire. Does God exist? My eyes welled with tears during that time. Ano ba kasi ang ine-entail no'n kundi -- non-existence of the soul, non-existence of morality, non-existence of heaven and hell. Arrrghh. No wait, sa mga panahon na 'yon naniniwala pala akong may hell. That was hell. Nu'ng tinanong ko 'yung isa kong classmate if there's a God, ito sabi n'ya: "God is like the air, you cannot see it but it does exist." Cliché. Para n'ya kong inuuto. Ang hangin nararamdaman ng lahat, at 'yon may atoms. But God?! Du'n na'ko naging skeptical about a lot of things. At simula no'n, I've learned that everything I know could possibly be wrong. Scientists just keep debunking each other's theories as time trudges on. (Ang sabi ko nga, we're wiser than yesterday, but we're dumber than tomorrow.) And the Bible? Masyadong vague at open to a lot of interpretations. Maliban sa mga 'yon, ito pa ang current questions ko: Bakit kelangang may existence? Why is there conciousness? Bakit may universe? What lies beyond the universe? What lies beyond what lies beyond the universe? Why do we question our existence? How's it like to be God? Bakit may taong pumipili ng underwear na may design pero pag tinanong mo kung may balak ba silang ipakita 'yon ang isasagot ay hindi? These thoughts have almost stabbed my cerebrum to death. Anyway, tinatrato ko ito as both a gift (ability to question) and a curse (unability to answer). But don't ever call me a fool for asking. You definitely don't know what you're talking about. Postscript: I regained my belief in God's existence after conscientiously weighing the arguments for the past years. But I have never tried to proselytize anybody. At hindi ito alam ng mga magulang ko. Atakihin pa sila sa puso. []

June 6, 2005

Barok! "...It is just another normal day of school. I went back to the dormitory tired. But there is one problem that I needed to solve at that time. I was short of money and there are too many expenses for that week. I always try to budget my money but I never got to follow the budget I made..." Stoooooppp! Tumataas balahibo ko! Anyhow, alam mo ba kung sino ang sumulat n'yan? Hmmhmhm, ako. That was three years ago. Ayos lang na mawalan na ako ng poise pero gusto ko 'tong i-share. As the maxim goes, "Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan, hindi makararating sa paroroonan." (Pag di ka kasi lumilingon masasagasaan ka.) Naisip kong naging stagnant ang vocabulary ko for 16 years. What a waste of time! So pa'no ako naka-recover? I discovered na reading is not enough. The best way is to use the words I've just acquired. Use. Use. Use. Sa loob ng tatlong taon, na-realize kong andami ko nang natutunang English words -- from ordinary to mediocre, from ugly to grotesque, from avoid to avert, from pure to pristine, from masterpiece to chef d'oeuvre, from fool to nincompoop. Kaya ngayon babawi ako. Kung ipapa-revise ang paragraph ko sa taas, this is how it would look like (inconsistent tenses were also improved): "...It was just another day at school. I went back to the dormitory, exhausted. But there was a problem. I realized that the money I had was not enough to sustain me for the week. I had been trying to tighten my belt as to prevent such a situation from happening, until it dawned on me -- the belt was my father's!" That was a joke. Some Confusing Words Insure: financial provision Ensure: guarantee (any form) Emigrate: leave the country (exits) Immigrate: settle on another country (enters) All ready: completely prepared Already: had been done Pigment: coloring matter Figment: fantastic idea Ingenious: clever, cunning Ingenuous: honest, unsophisticated Delusion: does not necessarily pertain to appearance, deception Illusion: false appearance Tortuous: complex, twisting, winding Torturous: causes torture Prescribe: recommend Proscribe: prohibit Advice: noun Advise: verb Dissatisfied: discontented about the lack of something Unsatisfied: absence of satisfaction (general) In spite of: same as despite of (it is wrong to reduce it to inspite of) Despite: same as in spite of (para matapos na ang confusion, they're similar) I hate it when I fail to notice them. But not anymore, youu ingenuous group of words! I have all ready discovered your grievous machinations. I insure you, hinding-hindi na ulit ako magkakamali. The tortuous things you do to the human brain will not go unpunished. So let me advice you now, immigrate! Postscript: Alam mo kung ano pa ang nakakalito? Tenses. I overlooked them far too long (what a shame). Currently, pinag-aaralan kong mabuti ang proper usage ng past (progressive, perfect, perfect-progressive), present (progressive, perfect, perfect-progressive) and future (progressive, perfect, perfect-progressive) tenses. Twelve (12) all in all. Mind racking I tell you. []

June 1, 2005

Text Back May ti-next sa akin ang isa kong kaibigan nu'ng isang araw at ito 'yon (expanded form): "When I was born, I was given two choices: To have a good memory, or to have you in my life... And I just can't remember what I chose." I felt the urge na mag-reply din. This is one of the few text messages na na-feel kong sincere kahit na forwarded. My intuitive side on the loose. Anyway, dahil nga natuwa ako, I used the same scenario but modified it a bit in reply: "I was also given two choices, when I was born: It's either to have you or to have everything... I also forgot what I said in reply... Heck, I was stunned when I saw the sun suddenly dis...app..ea..ri..." Gets mo ba kung ano pinili ko? Anyhow, that was a feat. I mean for someone as frigid as me to text something like that? As in custom-made pa. Hmhmhmmm. Isang Isyu Ng Euthanasia Nu'ng isang gabi, pahiga na sana ako sa kama, kaso may nakita akong bug. You know, 'yung maliit na pabilog (as if may nakita na ko'ng bug na pahaba, well anyway). Dahil maawain nga ako sa living things (man excluded), hindi ko s'ya pinisat, yes, unlike you would've probably done. Kinuha ko s'ya at nilagay sa aking palm. But poor thing, it was almost as good as dead. The little bug was badly injured. Ngayon, sabihin mo nga sa'kin pa'no ko dadalhin si bug sa beterinaryo? Buti pa sana kung aso or pusa, but a bug?! As if anyone would even care to operate on an insect. Why? C'mon, IMAGINE THAT. And like, I give a red cent -- it's just a bug! *a droplet of tear is slowly taking its form* Pero maawain talaga ako e (I don't know where I got this disorder from). I mean matindi lang talaga ang sense of empathy ko. So nagkaron ako ng dilemma. Gusto ko na s'yang i-squlech para matapos na ang kanyang pain pero hindi ko magawa dahil, alas! di ko nga magawa! Ano ba?! So hinipan ko na lang (magaan naman s'ya so pag nahulog s'ya hindi din malakas ang impact -- air resistance). I mean mamamatay din naman 'yun in no time. At least hindi ko na prinolong pa ang buhay n'ya (like I can) at hindi ko rin naman s'ya pinatay (like I can). In short, wala rin akong ginawa. In other words, wala akong kuwenta. Huhuhu. Postscript: Oops, di mo pa alam kung ano na ang nagawa ko para sa isang langgam. How unconventional. Or rather... how cute. Ironically though, du'n sa sinalihan kong forum (mukamo.com debate care of doorlight), PRO euthanasia ako. (Nasa rules kasi na pipili ka muna ng stand bago ipakita 'yung topic. Astig nga e. Anyway PRO euthanasia naman talaga ako, ayoko lang na ako ang gagawa dahil di ko talaga kaya. Kung gusto mo bisita ka at maki-join.) []